Yes, you read that correctly. I used to work at a massage parlor jerking off guys. That was 10 years ago for a few months. Now I’m a 1 woman business running her own tutoring business offering cognitive assessments to students with learning difficulties.
I remember those days of just laundering around, lounging around with terrible self-esteem, afraid of the real world, with my slight sexual trauma. I remember those days of being deathly afraid of the real world when I graduated highschool. What should I major in? Oh my god, how will I pay off my student loan debt? Will I make it in the real world?
The real world.
I was pretty unaware as a child. I had Chinese immigrant parents who liked to stay within their own language and culture within this North American city. My mom was super fluent in Chinese but couldn’t spew out a full, proper English sentence. “Hallo? Who dat? Who doo yu want?” She would respond whenever one of my childhood friends would make a call to my home phone. We were poor also. We stuck to Chinatown and Lunar New Year Gatherings with our 20 extended relatives often. I remember finally getting connected to the internet the summer I graduated highschool. That’s when I FINALLY googled what “orgasm” was, and attempted to masturbate for the first time.
I had a tough decision to make that summer. What the hell do I major in? My parents kept urging me to enroll in University of Toronto. This was a prestigious university, after all. I had to save face. Who cares what you major in, as long as you have the words University of Toronto splattered over your diploma, that’s all that matters!
I was really unsure of how to carry things through, so I decided to do something somewhat practical at least. It wasn’t going to be Eastern Civilizations, but a double major in Psychology and Employment Relations. At least I could garner up 6 of the required 9 courses in order to attain my CHRP to become some sort of licensed HR professional, if I decided to take that route.
What ended up happening, with most millennials, is that I started my train of job hopping from one job to another. I thought I could start at the bottom of the barrel with fast food, like most people. What I realized was that I deserved a failing grade at KFC. I was terrible at that job. I have always been terrible with motor memory and sports, so this just compounded to the problem. I could never serve a customer their burger meal in the 2 minute deadline you had to serve them under. Those mystery shoppers came in from time to time to assess our abilities. I would always fail at this task. I sucked so much that my manager fired me.
I was devastated that I couldn’t even serve someone their burger in less than 2 minutes. How the hell was I supposed to do anything else higher up in status and higher paying in our economy? If I couldn’t pay the bills by working at a fast food restaurant, where the hell else would I go?
That’s when I decided to enter the spa business. It would help me relieve my sexual trauma, and hopefully paid enough for me to get by and pay off my university debt loan, which was more than 20,000 dollars.
I would have to say that that was just the beginning in terms of my job hopping journey.
What else did I do?
-Coop intern at my university library’s HR department.
-Wrote essays for others at a paper mill
-Telemarketer
-Attendant at yacht charter company
-Interpreter
-Copywriter
-Social media consultant
-Sales attendant
After the whole 30 job stint over the decade, I came upon a realization: I can create a 1 woman business. I will offer cognitive assessments to students who suffer from learning difficulties to find out what their cognitive strengths and weaknesses lie. The flash of insight came over me after seeing a kid I tutored go from 50s to 80s and finally passing his grade 10 algebraic exams and moving on with life. His mother was extremely grateful that I was helping him pass and finally enroll in a post secondary program in a very credible and well paying field, engineering. I was tutoring all throughout the decade on and off anyhow, I loved teaching others and expunging my wisdom onto others. I could create a module that tutors can sign in and out of to keep track of their tutoring assignments, invoices, schedules, and applications. I could do the job of 10 people by creating the website myself, create the social media content myself, write copy myself, take care of accounting myself per Quickbooks online, and so forth.
Now I run my own successful 1 woman business and I’m pretty happy about that. Thinking back, I have come a long way. Considering where I started.
I started at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder with prostitution. I was jerking off guys for cash. It was about 80 bucks a piece. I got to see the realms of what it really was like. Wow. Was I exposed. Then I realized something. I was probably lucky to at least witness and get a taste of what it was like to be immersed in the OLDEST and LONGEST STANDING profession in humankind to this date. I took what I could learn from this and applied this to more complex, convoluted business models.
In the end, I realized this one pure fact. Prostitution will never go away. It’s because it at least follows the model of what makes a business longstanding and enduring:
- It feeds a need. Prostitution feeds a need. A dick will always want some pussy. This has been the longest known fact for centuries on end, ever since human species have come into existence.
Something else that I will use to take away from prostitution:
- Prostitution cuts away corners and simplifies the business model. I could just imagine those days. A man would meet up with a woman in an underground back alley and hand her a wad of cash for some action. Who is involved in this transaction? A client and their service provider. Does the man need to call the prostitute’s assistant in order to pass on the message. Prior to the prostitute coming along, does the prostitute need to meet with a quality assurance analyst in order to purvey and test to see if her vagina was well suited for the job?
These days you have at least 10 people in order to get to the final result of a product.
0.5+0.5+0.5+0.5=2
Simultaneously,
1+1=2
What would be an easier and faster route to get to the final end product, which is the same? This is a lesson that must be learned. There are MANY ways to get to the SAME end product. It is easier to take the fastest and simplest route.
In any balance sheet I see today, at least 100k goes into the salary expenses to pay 10 different employees. You have to work extra harder sometimes to outdo the expenses with sales. Keep in mind, there is the socioeconomic hierarchy that must be troughed through, not to mention office politics, to be at the top of the pyramid. Why make the pyramid so complicated and filled with so many points when you can easily do the same without as many points to fill the triangle?
Throughout my 30 job venture, I was able to play the part and get a taste of what it was like to be a little bit of everything. Accounting. Graphic Design. Sales. Management. Web Design. Marketing. This wasn’t done all through the snap of a finger though (things aren’t that easy in life). This was done through years of built up life experience and work experience.
I created my own tutoring business this way. My budget was going to be less than 5k and I was going to keep it this way. I created the website using WordPress. I created the social media management system by setting up my own Facebook and Twitter accounts. I use Quickbooks to be my virtual accountant(Hey, beats the snide remarks I would have gotten from a grumpy middle aged woman in the accounting industry for 10 years). I wrote my own content management. I set up an automated computer programmed system that would keep track of tutors’ invoices, scheduled tutoring sessions, reports, and applications. As a one woman business, I already took away more than 80% of a standard business’ expenses under the category employee wages.
So my advice to any millennials sitting on their asses these days worried about unemployment and putting bills on the table, yet very intimidated and scared of entrepreneurship?
- Don’t be scared. Things are possible.
- Plan ahead. Everything must have some route. 1 + 1 does equal 2.
- Be practical and logical. Stars don’t fall from the sky! Or maybe they do, I don’t know. At least think about what all business commonalities exist in these times and times. Some things I’ve observed: website presence, social media, accounting software such as Quickbooks, a business card, marketing. Follow these groundworks, and don’t get too off track with specificities.
- Adapt with the times. What is in your environment these days? If computers are replacing human beings, welcome them in. This is why I built a computer module that tutors can sign in and out of, doing the job that replaces 5 roles. (accountant, report analyst, application analyst, and more)
- If you can’t fight the system and get to the top, build you own system. Remember, cut away corners by making your pyramid smaller and your own.
Happy Endings 