I can attest to the theory that opposites attract and that neediness creates more resistance when it comes to physics and the law of attraction in general. During my time in lockdown, I have been noticing that guys have been especially willing to take that extra step to introduce themselves to me out of nowhere. I can simply be walking down the street or sitting on the bus daydreaming to my usual self, and then my homeostasis gets interrupted by a horny dude who wants to make an advance on me.
It’s interesting, but as someone who is asexual, I almost never think about sex the way one would crave a burger after having fasted for days on end. For me, my attitude towards sex is pretty much indifference. I can literally see it as a simple act that doesn’t involve any strong cravings on my part. This comes from my seizures over the past years that have lowered my sex drive. Yet, ironically, I find myself getting hit on more and more as we all lock ourselves down during covid days. Men these days, especially the horny ones, have been coming out left and right to say hi to me. When it comes to neediness, this type of feeling creates that sense of craving even more. As someone who does not feel those highs and lows of sexual drives, I’m sure I look more attractive to the horny bastards.
I tend to observe the outside world and people around me a lot. It comes with my curiosity and boredom from time to time. I remember catching glimpses at the same time inadvertently with a few men, and then all of a sudden, they would start to introduce themselves to me. Sometimes I wonder whether just winking at them would be an easy call for getting laid on my part. It can’t be that easy, can it?
I remember one time walking out the front doors of my apartment building. I was trudging along the sidewalk and a Jamaican had also happened to be walking towards me. I was looking ahead naturally, and somehow my one glance at him was a call for him to pick me up.
“Oh hey, you’re from the apartment aren’t you?” He asked. I nodded. I don’t recall ever seeing him before, but I assumed he was from the apartment, and he had apparently seen me in there from time to time. “Yeah, I see you quite often in there,” he mentioned. I gave a lighthearted smile to provide some feedback, and expected to carry on walking ahead. “Well, why don’t we hang out sometime?” he pushed. I was taken aback. I didn’t expect that.
Suddenly, my experiences of being hit on and my experiences with men had flooded into my head. At that moment, it made me think of all my experiences with the ritualistic advances that I went through with all the men I had dated and fooled around with. Yet, I also know that I definitely wasn’t looking for this at this particular time in my life. I was 35. I didn’t need one more guy to add to the list anymore. I wasn’t in my early 20s, trying to add to my list of sexual partners and trying to relieve my slight sexual trauma. My sex drive was slightly higher back then too, as I wasn’t hit with the wave of seizures over the years that would suppress that horniness over time. I hadn’t been hit on in a long while by a complete stranger. I was somewhat flustered and did not know how to react. It simply just ignited this flood of emotions in me that made me suddenly recall my whole history with sex and my strange experiences with it.
I let out a slight giggle and laughter out of me after having summarized my whole sexual history within one minute. It was a moment of realization that I had that came out of nowhere with this trigger. I did not necessarily know how to respond to him. Then I let out a few things about myself that I normally wouldn’t have in a typical scenario like this.
“Okay, let me just tell you first off, I’m…asexual,” I admitted out of nowhere. “I’ve had an….interesting….experience with sex during my lifetime,” I blurted out. “I can probably write a book about my experiences with it…Oh wait, I have written a book about my experiences with it.” I was trying to contain myself at that point, realizing that I had just told a complete stranger too much about myself already. I was laughing a bit, realizing that I just said too much about this.
The man smiled in return, and added, “Well, maybe I can change that.”
I didn’t necessarily want to give a complete stranger my contact, so I asked him for his social media contact to deflect from doing my part. “What’s your Facebook contact? Why don’t we add each other on there?” I mentioned. “Oh, I don’t have Facebook,” he replied. Then I thought to myself, okay, I don’t want to give away my own phone contact. I quickly went on to ask him, “What’s your phone contact?” He continued to provide me with his phone number, and I entered the digits into my cell phone.
I stood there for a bit and realized that I would have to provide him with my contact information now. I was reluctant to do so, so I decided to quickly make up something to avoid leading him on. Having been a bit more calm now, and having released my epiphany moment about my sexual experiences, I lied to him and said what I should have said all along. “Okay, umm…you know, I actually do have a boyfriend. We’ve been going out for a while..” (why didn’t I mention this first hand?!).
“Ahh…so you are heterosexual,” the man realized. He felt the subconscious urge to back off now, as I was ‘taken’. I didn’t necessarily know how to clean up this messy awkward situation that I had gotten myself into. I decided to add in my part by asking him what his name was, and then mentioned, “Okay, we can still hang out as friends. We live so close to each other anyway!” This was to cover up everything with proper mannerisms. From thereon, I had this strange feeling in my stomach, and we both instinctively now parted ways.
This was just the first of several advances I would receive later. I remember another incidence whereby I had once again caught glimpses at the same time with this middle aged white man on the subway train. We ended up getting off at the same train stop, and he came out of nowhere to say to me, “You’re very attractive!” I was flattered by his compliment. Naturally, he went on further to mention, “We should grab a coffee sometime! or watch a movie back at my place!”
This time, I knew how to react to this. Giggling through my covid mask, I knew to go straight ahead and state, “I have a boyfriend!” He responded back by asserting, “Oh, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter! Let’s just hang out anyway, I’m down for that!” He answered excitedly. I knew his final end goal was to get himself into my pants, so I let out a genuine laugh at that exact moment. Not wanting to turn himself down right there and then, I asked him, “Okay, what’s your number?” He responded with a string of digits that I entered into my cell phone. “My name’s Shawn!” Again, not wanting to provide my own phone contact, I reassured him by saying, “Okay, great! I’ll give you a call and we’ll take it from there!” We were both heading up the stairs of the subway platform and then parted ways before I could provide either my name or phone contact. I dodged another scenario of a come on.
These were just a few of the advances that would lead to further introductions and hellos over the lockdown. I was not expecting to be noticed at all during the lockdown really. I was just a simple Asian female. I kept to myself a lot and was very quiet and unassuming. Yet, somehow these horny apes did come out of the woodwork to greet me. While walking down Chinatown to grab my Chinese pastries, the typical schizophrenic from Dundas and Spadina made it a task to speak to me and stop me in my tracks. He had uttered something to me, and then mentioned he was Bruce Lee. I remember another instance of bumping into a homeless man while heading to my local bus stop a block from my apartment. He gleefully and willingly offered me his bag of Lays potato chips.
I somehow knew that this was going to continue further while everyone was holed in during the lockdown. I thought about it this way. Imagine placing gorillas into cages. All that pent up energy starts to build up out of nowhere. The loneliness. The fear. This rousing up of energy eventually gets transferred into our sexual needs as well. The apocalyptic hornies has become a growing and popular sexual kink in and of itself. All I know is that I can easily get laid by simply winking at a man down the street.
Happy Endings 