Sex is a philosophical topic. To have sex or not to have sex? That’s the question that brims through philosophers’ minds all the time. Well, one thing that almost everyone can agree on in terms of morality is that sex is a decision that is a right given to each and every individual. Everyone should be given the simple right to decide whether to have sex or not to have sex. Sex is a two person act. It involves two individuals. There should never be a power struggle between these two beings, and consent should be given on both ends. This is why statutory rape laws have long come into existence since the beginning of time for human beings.
Now, sexual consent is a legal right. That is an absolute. Where the lines get blurred though is whether ones decision to have sex with one person at a specific place and time is logical. It never is. I can attest to that. You will never be able to categorize and logicalize the simple act of why the fuck you had sex with him or her, but didn’t have sex with the other person. Don’t try to rationalize it, because it will only drive you crazy. It takes away the emotions which are the simple driving force being why one has sex in the first place. It is never a scientific, logical process that leads to the decision to have sex.
The simple act of sex involves a part of lower primate order selves. You can see chimpanzees literally just running up to another one and humping one another a second later. We are given a part of that primate self with human beings, although the process maybe involves a little more consciousness. You will have to text over a few days. Invite her over to your place. However, don’t mention explicitly that you want to bang her. She will be taken aback a bit. Why do we as humans have to make things so complicated?
People have guidelines as to what type of people they will have sex with in what types of circumstances of course, but to follow them always like a calculated law is a joke. I look at my current situation and even question some of the irrational decisions I’ve made in terms of giving consent to have sex or not. Your emotions will always take over you that second right before you decide “yes” or “no” in terms of to get jiggy with it or not.
I am someone who has had an interesting experience with sex my whole life. Growing up, I remember everything going normally up until I hit my mid teens. I was masturbating to Britney Spears. I had a crush on that cute white boy who sat two desks away from me in World Religions class. Somehow, things took a turn when I developed a slight sexual trauma. This was from my mom forbidding me to have sex. I was also overtaken by the media placing bans on children under 18 from viewing sexual content. Things that were just too explicit for youngsters to see. It was almost as if you should have been scared and devoid of sex before the golden age of 18. After that, hey, do whatever the fuck you want with it! Things took yet another turn when I started getting seizures in my twenties. I could see my sex drive slowly fade over time to the point now where I’ve classified myself as asexual.
Being asexual in itself is another topic I will have to write about in another entry. For the time being, I will mention that asexuality is never black and white either. One can never be completely turned off at all times from sex. That’s just not how the human body and brain is structured. It would make you some sort of strange creature in itself, one that doesn’t have that preset inner programming to procreate as a species. Asexuals do not hate sex. Asexuals do masturbate and do have sex. Asexuals do get turned on. My situation is that I lost a lot of my drive over the years, but the arousal mechanism and bodily stimulation in me still exists. And, like most people, I always attach my emotions to the decision to whether to have sex or not. It’s a given. The grand scale of that is pushed back from say, my teenage years, thankfully, but these forces still come out.
I remember having tutored a spanish kid a few years ago. His mother was worried he wouldn’t be able to pass his gr 10 class, and this was worrying her to no end. She responded to my post on kijiji advertising myself a tutor, and things got started from there. Constantino was a teenage boy who was diagnosed with ADHD and struggling a lot with his mathematics, especially algebra. I had to sit down with him at least a few times a week for a few years to help him basically pass highschool. He was a very isolated, somewhat shy, and introverted teenager that seemed a bit lost in his ways. I was really helping him pick up the pieces and really get things off with his schoolwork. I never would have thought I’d be having sex with him a few years later only to become impregnated by him.
I remember Constantino bringing up this proposition one tutoring day. This was at the stage in his life where things were really starting pick up for him. He was finally getting As. He was in his last year of highschool and it was just months before he would graduate. “I was wondering whether I could pay you 300 dollars to have sex with me.” He stopped me in my tracks. I looked at him and wondered this. I must admit, I had my moments when I thought he was cute. I remember times looking at him holding back the family dog whenever he answered the door. I thought to myself in my head, ‘what a cutie!’ Now, I wasn’t too taken aback with his offer, but of course, I thought about this decision. The 300 dollars seemed like a good proposition. I needed the money, that’s for sure. What flew through the back of mind? What if his mom finds out? I am being unethical by having sex with a minor?
It eventually ended up whereby I took his money and had sex with him. I had heard his stories of how he asked out about 50 girls, and all of them rejected him. He had sex with a girl, but the session lasted more than an hour because he couldn’t cum. This seemed to be something that was a blow to his ego. It really hurt his shy, introverted, developing self. I felt so sorry for him. He was such a caring person too. I gave in and let him have sex with me for a couple hundred bucks. I went from sitting beside him a few times a week, helping him solve algebraic equations, to being in bed with him and fucking him. It was an awkward first session, to say the least. He couldn’t ejaculate.
He eventually continued paying me a couple hundred bucks every so often to have sex. During the sessions, he couldn’t ejaculate. I could tell that something was a bit off. This was what was getting to him. He was worried about his sexual performance. Each session would last at least an hour, and he would never finish. We finally decided one day to have sex without a condom, because I knew he wouldn’t cum anyway, and he had ran out of them. This was yet another irrational decision I made that did not fit within the scheme of logicality. I told him to just “pull out” if he was ever about to cum, something I highly doubted in the first place.
As luck and irony would have it, the session took 20 min and he had ejaculated. This surprised me and him. “Congratulations!” I mentioned to him, smiling. He gave me a nice, relieved smirk on his face, as though he had completed a task that only the manliest men could complete. Although, he didn’t pull out. Fair enough. He had lost his virginity technically at that moment too. I let this slide and didn’t think too much of this incident. I heard stories of how hard it was conceive for women all the time. Why on earth, and how on earth could I become pregnant? This was something not on my plate and something I didn’t ponder much. In fact, I made a pact with my best friend to never have children. This was the last thing on my mind.
As luck would have it, I ended up with a late period cycle. About a month and a little more than a few weeks had gone by. I was starting to get worried, and I decided to see a doctor about this. I might as well get a test. Who knows? Maybe I am pregnant? I went to see my family doctor. I sat down there in her office, waiting for her to bring back the pregnancy test. “It looks like you’re pregnant.” I looked at her in shock. I. am. pregnant.
I was trying to deny this in the back of my mind to sort of keep my cool. This was crazy. I was not planning on birthing a child. I had to get an abortion. I didn’t fully absorb this until I got home. I was shouting at the top of my lungs. “Why the fuck am I pregnant?! I didn’t plan for this to happen!” I was having my shouting session over the phone with my friend, stating that this was such a huge surprise. A virgin loses his virginity for the first time and impregnates her? Maybe that incident in itself already eased up his already poor sexual performance anxieties.
The next time he came over, I had to reveal this to him. “I am sorry,” he said, genuinely concerned with his meek response. I had let out my anger that day I found out I was pregnant, thankfully. I had no resources to shout at him or smash objects around me. I tried to see it through his perspective at that moment. He didn’t intend to impregnate me. He already felt terrible about not being able to cum. It was his first time having unprotected sex too. He never really learned how to “pull out”. My moment of empathy for the whole situation rode over me. “No, don’t feel bad. Maybe it was a good thing I got pregnant. It proved something about you at least.” I rested my hand on his shoulder and reassured him. It proved that he had the manly prowess to be able to impregnate someone.
I eventually decided to get an abortion. I wasn’t too far in my development, as I had caught onto it early on. Perhaps it was a few weeks. It’s amazing that I actually had something in my uterus! Was I going to birth a child and give it up for adoption? Was I going to birth a child and raise it with a Spanish teen? Not likely. I was also not giving up 9 months of my life going through all the ups and downs of pregnancy. I had too much going on my life that I had to take care of first before I could even consider birthing a child.
I eventually stopped giving my sex sessions to Constantino when I saw his confidence was starting to build up more. After I revealed to him I was pregnant, his sexual confidence lifted a bit. He had to deal with a condition called delayed ejaculation. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for a teenager to go through. It’s already hard enough for a male to get a female into bed with her. The expectations are always on the male’s side to “perform”.
The situation with Constantino certainly gave me perspective on how I reacted to sex. I actually let a male impregnate me of all things, yet I didn’t resent him necessarily for doing this to me. This is the hugest game changer you can place on any woman’s turn of events and life plans, so it’s reasonable to feel angry at him at one point for not doing his part by “pulling out”.
This is just one instance of how irrational I acted beginning from the start when he made the special request. From a logical standpoint, things just didn’t make sense. I made the decision to have sex with him. I’m sure my emotional side took over me with things in terms of whether to say “yes” or “no”. There were so many logical reasons not to. I am asexual. I am his tutor. His mother would file a lawsuit against me. Of course, the emotions take over on this decision.
As women, emotions are already swarming in our heads with the fluctuations of hormones here and there. We just can’t control emotions either. The whole premise of having sex involves emotions to begin with. It is an act that makes it what it is through 90% of the mental emotional mind. You will never be able to find an algorithm that fits with who and why you decide to have sex and follow it 100% each time. It just happens. It’s the most irrational decision you will ever make.
Happy Endings 