Category Archives: Uncategorized

I was watching a youtube clip recently, one from this very popular youtube channel called Slice and Rice. It included a clip of a Korean girl named Glory who was trying to get a kick out of the audience by making them laugh. This clip involved her trying to recreate herself on photoshop with supposed plastic surgery procedures that were computerized and construed so that she could see what the better version of herself would be like. She made her eyebrows less bushy, she trimmed down her bulbous nose. She gave herself the infamous double creased eyelids that so many east asians and koreans lacked, but got as birthday presents maybe when they went off to college. It was interesting, but I’m glad that there was actually a female that was able to face these issues head on and give herself a laugh about it and not take things so seriously about her own looks to make this comedic.

A lot of females can really go down into a rabbit hole of self doubt and desperation when it comes to their looks and whether they meet up with societal standards of beauty, since this is an area that is so emphasized upon this gender. She showed the result of her before and after face, and her black husband sat next to her, in awe and shock that she supposedly looked so different and strange from her usual before self. Many of the comments had stated that she looked so beautiful before! What was she doing to herself? Yadidadi yada. Facebook comments that don’t necessarily hold any scientific or truthful ground from time to time.

I took a look at her after photo in comparison to her before face photo. One thing that my gut instinct told me was that she actually did look better after. The trimmed down nose did make her even out her proportions a bit. There seemed to be a somewhat more defined balance to her appearance. I just didn’t think it was necessarily appropriate to sort of call her out on that and state some sort of “truth” that was not apparent there. Ah, just go with the flow and tell her, “you look beautiful just the way you are! Don’t do this to yourself!” Deep down inside, I couldn’t help but think if there was some instinctual ways our mind are wired to agree upon whether certain structures and aesthetic features were beautiful or not with god’s ways and nature.

There are many ways to define the concept of aesthetic beauty. This includes societally construed standards that evolve over time in terms of beauty. Maybe Hitler and the Ku Klutz Klan can define the Jews and everyone as aesthetically unappealing. Maybe because of societal standards with racism and bigotry over time, black women don’t seem as visually appealing over time. Perhaps polka dot pants aren’t as aesthetically appealing as black jogging pants. That’s not what I’m getting at or referring to. It’s more so an inherent beauty that all creatures in nature see with the way something can be constructed through perhaps god’s doing that learns to visually adorn and connect more with these things.

This is called sacred geometry. There is a golden ratio of phi in math that recognizes that balance and proportion can make facial features in human beings more attractive. This is a proportion that results to 1.618. We don’t just apply this to human beings though. Flowers can have this attribute of the golden ratio. Snails can have this attribute. Trees can have this attribute. It’s simply a frequency ratio that somehow emits more proportional symmetry and beauty. I’m sure for other creatures and beings they share this sacred worshipping of things that fall a bit more in line with this proportion, not just humans.

Regardless, human faces can be calculated in a way to see how close they fit into this golden ratio proportion. This is why there is a universal way to sort of rank aesthetic beauty with human faces. If you do a survey with a select group of humans, be it from different races, generations, societal backgrounds, I’m sure you would come to some common conclusion and agreement as to who was the least attractive to the most attractive in terms of facial features. There would be some sort of common agreement in terms of the ranking system. I mean, I know a few Asian females that are sprawling around youtube trying to promote their supposedly all important products and services. Even though they all look the same, they actually don’t. If I were to compare Glory from Slice and Rice to Vanessa Lau and her channel to Tiffany Tin’s channel, I would rank them from least attractive to most being 1. Glory 2. Vanessa Lau 3. Tiffany Tin. You know who beats all of them though? My Malaysian Facebook friend Cheryl. She is gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. In terms of absolute beauty, no one beats the Spanish celebrity from the hit show Gilmore Girls, Alexis Bledel.

There you have it. There is some system to rank aesthetic attractiveness in some way. This is why plastic surgeons usually have some metric system to turn to in order to reshape faces. We can rank inherent aesthetic appeal. However, keep in mind that it doesn’t entail that is all that makes one “attractive”. What makes someone attractive through the law of attraction can be attributed to many traits. For one, aesthetic appeal only appeals to one of the 4 the senses. We have 4 other senses at the end of the day that determine how we feel at the end of the day. There is a ranking system for smell. There can be metrics for sound and loudness. There can be metrics for taste. There can be metrics for touch. All of these senses at the end of the day combine and mix in order to find out what we find “attractive”. Society and its emphasis on aesthetic physical appearances should take note of this. Aesthetic physical visual beauty does not trump everything. If you had a framed picture of your celebrity crush such as Natalie Portman hung on your wall and simply looked at it every night, but had a highschool crush named Miranda with a bit of acne and cute, plump cheeks you chatted with a bit and gave you a few laughs, who would you feel more “attracted” to? Who would you feel more comfortable around? There goes nature and its law of attraction playing its part right there.

Sex is a philosophical topic. To have sex or not to have sex? That’s the question that brims through philosophers’ minds all the time. Well, one thing that almost everyone can agree on in terms of morality is that sex is a decision that is a right given to each and every individual. Everyone should be given the simple right to decide whether to have sex or not to have sex. Sex is a two person act. It involves two individuals. There should never be a power struggle between these two beings, and consent should be given on both ends. This is why statutory rape laws have long come into existence since the beginning of time for human beings.

Now, sexual consent is a legal right. That is an absolute. Where the lines get blurred though is whether ones decision to have sex with one person at a specific place and time is logical. It never is. I can attest to that. You will never be able to categorize and logicalize the simple act of why the fuck you had sex with him or her, but didn’t have sex with the other person. Don’t try to rationalize it, because it will only drive you crazy. It takes away the emotions which are the simple driving force being why one has sex in the first place. It is never a scientific, logical process that leads to the decision to have sex.

The simple act of sex involves a part of lower primate order selves. You can see chimpanzees literally just running up to another one and humping one another a second later. We are given a part of that primate self with human beings, although the process maybe involves a little more consciousness. You will have to text over a few days. Invite her over to your place. However, don’t mention explicitly that you want to bang her. She will be taken aback a bit. Why do we as humans have to make things so complicated?

People have guidelines as to what type of people they will have sex with in what types of circumstances of course, but to follow them always like a calculated law is a joke. I look at my current situation and even question some of the irrational decisions I’ve made in terms of giving consent to have sex or not. Your emotions will always take over you that second right before you decide “yes” or “no” in terms of to get jiggy with it or not.

I am someone who has had an interesting experience with sex my whole life. Growing up, I remember everything going normally up until I hit my mid teens. I was masturbating to Britney Spears. I had a crush on that cute white boy who sat two desks away from me in World Religions class. Somehow, things took a turn when I developed a slight sexual trauma. This was from my mom forbidding me to have sex. I was also overtaken by the media placing bans on children under 18 from viewing sexual content. Things that were just too explicit for youngsters to see. It was almost as if you should have been scared and devoid of sex before the golden age of 18. After that, hey, do whatever the fuck you want with it! Things took yet another turn when I started getting seizures in my twenties. I could see my sex drive slowly fade over time to the point now where I’ve classified myself as asexual.

Being asexual in itself is another topic I will have to write about in another entry. For the time being, I will mention that asexuality is never black and white either. One can never be completely turned off at all times from sex. That’s just not how the human body and brain is structured. It would make you some sort of strange creature in itself, one that doesn’t have that preset inner programming to procreate as a species. Asexuals do not hate sex. Asexuals do masturbate and do have sex. Asexuals do get turned on. My situation is that I lost a lot of my drive over the years, but the arousal mechanism and bodily stimulation in me still exists. And, like most people, I always attach my emotions to the decision to whether to have sex or not. It’s a given. The grand scale of that is pushed back from say, my teenage years, thankfully, but these forces still come out.

I remember having tutored a spanish kid a few years ago. His mother was worried he wouldn’t be able to pass his gr 10 class, and this was worrying her to no end. She responded to my post on kijiji advertising myself a tutor, and things got started from there. Constantino was a teenage boy who was diagnosed with ADHD and struggling a lot with his mathematics, especially algebra. I had to sit down with him at least a few times a week for a few years to help him basically pass highschool. He was a very isolated, somewhat shy, and introverted teenager that seemed a bit lost in his ways. I was really helping him pick up the pieces and really get things off with his schoolwork. I never would have thought I’d be having sex with him a few years later only to become impregnated by him.

I remember Constantino bringing up this proposition one tutoring day. This was at the stage in his life where things were really starting pick up for him. He was finally getting As. He was in his last year of highschool and it was just months before he would graduate. “I was wondering whether I could pay you 300 dollars to have sex with me.” He stopped me in my tracks. I looked at him and wondered this. I must admit, I had my moments when I thought he was cute. I remember times looking at him holding back the family dog whenever he answered the door. I thought to myself in my head, ‘what a cutie!’ Now, I wasn’t too taken aback with his offer, but of course, I thought about this decision. The 300 dollars seemed like a good proposition. I needed the money, that’s for sure. What flew through the back of mind? What if his mom finds out? I am being unethical by having sex with a minor?

It eventually ended up whereby I took his money and had sex with him. I had heard his stories of how he asked out about 50 girls, and all of them rejected him. He had sex with a girl, but the session lasted more than an hour because he couldn’t cum. This seemed to be something that was a blow to his ego. It really hurt his shy, introverted, developing self. I felt so sorry for him. He was such a caring person too. I gave in and let him have sex with me for a couple hundred bucks. I went from sitting beside him a few times a week, helping him solve algebraic equations, to being in bed with him and fucking him. It was an awkward first session, to say the least. He couldn’t ejaculate.

He eventually continued paying me a couple hundred bucks every so often to have sex. During the sessions, he couldn’t ejaculate. I could tell that something was a bit off. This was what was getting to him. He was worried about his sexual performance. Each session would last at least an hour, and he would never finish. We finally decided one day to have sex without a condom, because I knew he wouldn’t cum anyway, and he had ran out of them. This was yet another irrational decision I made that did not fit within the scheme of logicality. I told him to just “pull out” if he was ever about to cum, something I highly doubted in the first place.

As luck and irony would have it, the session took 20 min and he had ejaculated. This surprised me and him. “Congratulations!” I mentioned to him, smiling. He gave me a nice, relieved smirk on his face, as though he had completed a task that only the manliest men could complete. Although, he didn’t pull out. Fair enough. He had lost his virginity technically at that moment too. I let this slide and didn’t think too much of this incident. I heard stories of how hard it was conceive for women all the time. Why on earth, and how on earth could I become pregnant? This was something not on my plate and something I didn’t ponder much. In fact, I made a pact with my best friend to never have children. This was the last thing on my mind.

As luck would have it, I ended up with a late period cycle. About a month and a little more than a few weeks had gone by. I was starting to get worried, and I decided to see a doctor about this. I might as well get a test. Who knows? Maybe I am pregnant? I went to see my family doctor. I sat down there in her office, waiting for her to bring back the pregnancy test. “It looks like you’re pregnant.” I looked at her in shock. I. am. pregnant.

I was trying to deny this in the back of my mind to sort of keep my cool. This was crazy. I was not planning on birthing a child. I had to get an abortion. I didn’t fully absorb this until I got home. I was shouting at the top of my lungs. “Why the fuck am I pregnant?! I didn’t plan for this to happen!” I was having my shouting session over the phone with my friend, stating that this was such a huge surprise. A virgin loses his virginity for the first time and impregnates her? Maybe that incident in itself already eased up his already poor sexual performance anxieties.

The next time he came over, I had to reveal this to him. “I am sorry,” he said, genuinely concerned with his meek response. I had let out my anger that day I found out I was pregnant, thankfully. I had no resources to shout at him or smash objects around me. I tried to see it through his perspective at that moment. He didn’t intend to impregnate me. He already felt terrible about not being able to cum. It was his first time having unprotected sex too. He never really learned how to “pull out”. My moment of empathy for the whole situation rode over me. “No, don’t feel bad. Maybe it was a good thing I got pregnant. It proved something about you at least.” I rested my hand on his shoulder and reassured him. It proved that he had the manly prowess to be able to impregnate someone.

I eventually decided to get an abortion. I wasn’t too far in my development, as I had caught onto it early on. Perhaps it was a few weeks. It’s amazing that I actually had something in my uterus! Was I going to birth a child and give it up for adoption? Was I going to birth a child and raise it with a Spanish teen? Not likely. I was also not giving up 9 months of my life going through all the ups and downs of pregnancy. I had too much going on my life that I had to take care of first before I could even consider birthing a child.

I eventually stopped giving my sex sessions to Constantino when I saw his confidence was starting to build up more. After I revealed to him I was pregnant, his sexual confidence lifted a bit. He had to deal with a condition called delayed ejaculation. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for a teenager to go through. It’s already hard enough for a male to get a female into bed with her. The expectations are always on the male’s side to “perform”.

The situation with Constantino certainly gave me perspective on how I reacted to sex. I actually let a male impregnate me of all things, yet I didn’t resent him necessarily for doing this to me. This is the hugest game changer you can place on any woman’s turn of events and life plans, so it’s reasonable to feel angry at him at one point for not doing his part by “pulling out”.

This is just one instance of how irrational I acted beginning from the start when he made the special request. From a logical standpoint, things just didn’t make sense. I made the decision to have sex with him. I’m sure my emotional side took over me with things in terms of whether to say “yes” or “no”. There were so many logical reasons not to. I am asexual. I am his tutor. His mother would file a lawsuit against me. Of course, the emotions take over on this decision.

As women, emotions are already swarming in our heads with the fluctuations of hormones here and there. We just can’t control emotions either. The whole premise of having sex involves emotions to begin with. It is an act that makes it what it is through 90% of the mental emotional mind. You will never be able to find an algorithm that fits with who and why you decide to have sex and follow it 100% each time. It just happens. It’s the most irrational decision you will ever make.

I can attest to the theory that opposites attract and that neediness creates more resistance when it comes to physics and the law of attraction in general. During my time in lockdown, I have been noticing that guys have been especially willing to take that extra step to introduce themselves to me out of nowhere. I can simply be walking down the street or sitting on the bus daydreaming to my usual self, and then my homeostasis gets interrupted by a horny dude who wants to make an advance on me.

It’s interesting, but as someone who is asexual, I almost never think about sex the way one would crave a burger after having fasted for days on end. For me, my attitude towards sex is pretty much indifference. I can literally see it as a simple act that doesn’t involve any strong cravings on my part. This comes from my seizures over the past years that have lowered my sex drive. Yet, ironically, I find myself getting hit on more and more as we all lock ourselves down during covid days. Men these days, especially the horny ones, have been coming out left and right to say hi to me. When it comes to neediness, this type of feeling creates that sense of craving even more. As someone who does not feel those highs and lows of sexual drives, I’m sure I look more attractive to the horny bastards.

I tend to observe the outside world and people around me a lot. It comes with my curiosity and boredom from time to time. I remember catching glimpses at the same time inadvertently with a few men, and then all of a sudden, they would start to introduce themselves to me. Sometimes I wonder whether just winking at them would be an easy call for getting laid on my part. It can’t be that easy, can it?

I remember one time walking out the front doors of my apartment building. I was trudging along the sidewalk and a Jamaican had also happened to be walking towards me. I was looking ahead naturally, and somehow my one glance at him was a call for him to pick me up.

“Oh hey, you’re from the apartment aren’t you?” He asked. I nodded. I don’t recall ever seeing him before, but I assumed he was from the apartment, and he had apparently seen me in there from time to time. “Yeah, I see you quite often in there,” he mentioned. I gave a lighthearted smile to provide some feedback, and expected to carry on walking ahead. “Well, why don’t we hang out sometime?” he pushed. I was taken aback. I didn’t expect that.

Suddenly, my experiences of being hit on and my experiences with men had flooded into my head. At that moment, it made me think of all my experiences with the ritualistic advances that I went through with all the men I had dated and fooled around with. Yet, I also know that I definitely wasn’t looking for this at this particular time in my life. I was 35. I didn’t need one more guy to add to the list anymore. I wasn’t in my early 20s, trying to add to my list of sexual partners and trying to relieve my slight sexual trauma. My sex drive was slightly higher back then too, as I wasn’t hit with the wave of seizures over the years that would suppress that horniness over time. I hadn’t been hit on in a long while by a complete stranger. I was somewhat flustered and did not know how to react. It simply just ignited this flood of emotions in me that made me suddenly recall my whole history with sex and my strange experiences with it.

I let out a slight giggle and laughter out of me after having summarized my whole sexual history within one minute. It was a moment of realization that I had that came out of nowhere with this trigger. I did not necessarily know how to respond to him. Then I let out a few things about myself that I normally wouldn’t have in a typical scenario like this.

“Okay, let me just tell you first off, I’m…asexual,” I admitted out of nowhere. “I’ve had an….interesting….experience with sex during my lifetime,” I blurted out. “I can probably write a book about my experiences with it…Oh wait, I have written a book about my experiences with it.” I was trying to contain myself at that point, realizing that I had just told a complete stranger too much about myself already. I was laughing a bit, realizing that I just said too much about this.

The man smiled in return, and added, “Well, maybe I can change that.”

I didn’t necessarily want to give a complete stranger my contact, so I asked him for his social media contact to deflect from doing my part. “What’s your Facebook contact? Why don’t we add each other on there?” I mentioned. “Oh, I don’t have Facebook,” he replied. Then I thought to myself, okay, I don’t want to give away my own phone contact. I quickly went on to ask him, “What’s your phone contact?” He continued to provide me with his phone number, and I entered the digits into my cell phone.

I stood there for a bit and realized that I would have to provide him with my contact information now. I was reluctant to do so, so I decided to quickly make up something to avoid leading him on. Having been a bit more calm now, and having released my epiphany moment about my sexual experiences, I lied to him and said what I should have said all along. “Okay, umm…you know, I actually do have a boyfriend. We’ve been going out for a while..” (why didn’t I mention this first hand?!).

“Ahh…so you are heterosexual,” the man realized. He felt the subconscious urge to back off now, as I was ‘taken’. I didn’t necessarily know how to clean up this messy awkward situation that I had gotten myself into. I decided to add in my part by asking him what his name was, and then mentioned, “Okay, we can still hang out as friends. We live so close to each other anyway!” This was to cover up everything with proper mannerisms. From thereon, I had this strange feeling in my stomach, and we both instinctively now parted ways.

This was just the first of several advances I would receive later. I remember another incidence whereby I had once again caught glimpses at the same time with this middle aged white man on the subway train. We ended up getting off at the same train stop, and he came out of nowhere to say to me, “You’re very attractive!” I was flattered by his compliment. Naturally, he went on further to mention, “We should grab a coffee sometime! or watch a movie back at my place!”

This time, I knew how to react to this. Giggling through my covid mask, I knew to go straight ahead and state, “I have a boyfriend!” He responded back by asserting, “Oh, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter! Let’s just hang out anyway, I’m down for that!” He answered excitedly. I knew his final end goal was to get himself into my pants, so I let out a genuine laugh at that exact moment. Not wanting to turn himself down right there and then, I asked him, “Okay, what’s your number?” He responded with a string of digits that I entered into my cell phone. “My name’s Shawn!” Again, not wanting to provide my own phone contact, I reassured him by saying, “Okay, great! I’ll give you a call and we’ll take it from there!” We were both heading up the stairs of the subway platform and then parted ways before I could provide either my name or phone contact. I dodged another scenario of a come on.

These were just a few of the advances that would lead to further introductions and hellos over the lockdown. I was not expecting to be noticed at all during the lockdown really. I was just a simple Asian female. I kept to myself a lot and was very quiet and unassuming. Yet, somehow these horny apes did come out of the woodwork to greet me. While walking down Chinatown to grab my Chinese pastries, the typical schizophrenic from Dundas and Spadina made it a task to speak to me and stop me in my tracks. He had uttered something to me, and then mentioned he was Bruce Lee. I remember another instance of bumping into a homeless man while heading to my local bus stop a block from my apartment. He gleefully and willingly offered me his bag of Lays potato chips.

I somehow knew that this was going to continue further while everyone was holed in during the lockdown. I thought about it this way. Imagine placing gorillas into cages. All that pent up energy starts to build up out of nowhere. The loneliness. The fear. This rousing up of energy eventually gets transferred into our sexual needs as well. The apocalyptic hornies has become a growing and popular sexual kink in and of itself. All I know is that I can easily get laid by simply winking at a man down the street.

As someone who has mastered and calmed her energies throughout the past decade, I’m somewhat relieved that my sexual energies have aligned in a more subdued fashion, only to allow my spiritual energies to lift itself and take itself over.

My history with sex has been an interesting one all my life. I grew up fearing it like a paranoid fool, part in parcel due to my hypochondria and my mother’s demands that I stay away from this as a teen. Then I eased off of that fear relationship with it due to my seizures, which worsened unfortunately throughout the years. It was a blessing in disguise though, I realized. I went from being seriously worried that all guys were horny bastards, that masturbation had bad health effects, to releasing that and reaching a state of indifference. It was something that actually helped bring me to a state of spiritual wellness and released my sexual fear altogether. My seizures from my epilepsy gave me the keys to open up the doors to namaste in a way.

Ironically, even if I have less of a sexual charge and urge than I did back in perhaps my preteen days when I masturbated to Britney Spears’ One More Time Video (that was the time in my life when I could truly recall that horny side of me), I still come into contact with sex. I’ve had a wild history with sex my whole life. I dated guys on and off once I graduated highschool and moved out of my strict traditional Chinese household. I went wild with looking for guys to hook up with. I had to bookmark and label the Okcupid guys I had dates with. And yes, naturally, I ended up at a massage parlor too in order to sort of release my lingering sexual trauma as well.

This was a ravaging way to sort of taste what sex was and what it was like with multiple guys. It was a windstorm of everything really, but it gave me a good clear picture of how complex sex really is. It also gave me a good picture that we aren’t all just primal beings looking for hookups the same way apes can easily just scurry on over to an ape of the opposite sex and just stick its private parts into theirs. If only things were that simple, right? Well, not for human beings. The reasons why one has sex with another human being is overlaid by several factors, and many things get in the way. A dick inside a pussy equals clarity and ease is never the equation. I will explain my interesting stories with sex in the coming blog entries, so feel free to stay tuned to hear the little kooky stories that I come to share!

Yes, you read that correctly. I used to work at a massage parlor jerking off guys. That was 10 years ago for a few months. Now I’m a 1 woman business running her own tutoring business offering cognitive assessments to students with learning difficulties.

I remember those days of just laundering around, lounging around with terrible self-esteem, afraid of the real world, with my slight sexual trauma. I remember those days of being deathly afraid of the real world when I graduated highschool. What should I major in? Oh my god, how will I pay off my student loan debt? Will I make it in the real world?

The real world.

I was pretty unaware as a child. I had Chinese immigrant parents who liked to stay within their own language and culture within this North American city. My mom was super fluent in Chinese but couldn’t spew out a full, proper English sentence. “Hallo? Who dat? Who doo yu want?” She would respond whenever one of my childhood friends would make a call to my home phone. We were poor also. We stuck to Chinatown and Lunar New Year Gatherings with our 20 extended relatives often. I remember finally getting connected to the internet the summer I graduated highschool. That’s when I FINALLY googled what “orgasm” was, and attempted to masturbate for the first time.

I had a tough decision to make that summer. What the hell do I major in? My parents kept urging me to enroll in University of Toronto. This was a prestigious university, after all. I had to save face. Who cares what you major in, as long as you have the words University of Toronto splattered over your diploma, that’s all that matters!

I was really unsure of how to carry things through, so I decided to do something somewhat practical at least. It wasn’t going to be Eastern Civilizations, but a double major in Psychology and Employment Relations. At least I could garner up 6 of the required 9 courses in order to attain my CHRP to become some sort of licensed HR professional, if I decided to take that route.

What ended up happening, with most millennials, is that I started my train of job hopping from one job to another. I thought I could start at the bottom of the barrel with fast food, like most people. What I realized was that I deserved a failing grade at KFC. I was terrible at that job. I have always been terrible with motor memory and sports, so this just compounded to the problem. I could never serve a customer their burger meal in the 2 minute deadline you had to serve them under. Those mystery shoppers came in from time to time to assess our abilities. I would always fail at this task. I sucked so much that my manager fired me.

I was devastated that I couldn’t even serve someone their burger in less than 2 minutes. How the hell was I supposed to do anything else higher up in status and higher paying in our economy? If I couldn’t pay the bills by working at a fast food restaurant, where the hell else would I go?

That’s when I decided to enter the spa business. It would help me relieve my sexual trauma, and hopefully paid enough for me to get by and pay off my university debt loan, which was more than 20,000 dollars.

I would have to say that that was just the beginning in terms of my job hopping journey.

What else did I do?

-Coop intern at my university library’s HR department.

-Wrote essays for others at a paper mill

-Telemarketer

-Attendant at yacht charter company

-Interpreter

-Copywriter

-Social media consultant

-Sales attendant

After the whole 30 job stint over the decade, I came upon a realization: I can create a 1 woman business. I will offer cognitive assessments to students who suffer from learning difficulties to find out what their cognitive strengths and weaknesses lie. The flash of insight came over me after seeing a kid I tutored go from 50s to 80s and finally passing his grade 10 algebraic exams and moving on with life. His mother was extremely grateful that I was helping him pass and finally enroll in a post secondary program in a very credible and well paying field, engineering. I was tutoring all throughout the decade on and off anyhow, I loved teaching others and expunging my wisdom onto others. I could create a module that tutors can sign in and out of to keep track of their tutoring assignments, invoices, schedules, and applications. I could do the job of 10 people by creating the website myself, create the social media content myself, write copy myself, take care of accounting myself per Quickbooks online, and so forth.

Now I run my own successful 1 woman business and I’m pretty happy about that. Thinking back, I have come a long way. Considering where I started.

I started at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder with prostitution. I was jerking off guys for cash. It was about 80 bucks a piece. I got to see the realms of what it really was like. Wow. Was I exposed. Then I realized something. I was probably lucky to at least witness and get a taste of what it was like to be immersed in the OLDEST and LONGEST STANDING profession in humankind to this date. I took what I could learn from this and applied this to more complex, convoluted business models.

In the end, I realized this one pure fact. Prostitution will never go away. It’s because it at least follows the model of what makes a business longstanding and enduring:

1. It feeds a need. Prostitution feeds a need. A dick will always want some pussy. This has been the longest known fact for centuries on end, ever since human species have come into existence.

Something else that I will use to take away from prostitution:

1. Prostitution cuts away corners and simplifies the business model. I could just imagine those days. A man would meet up with a woman in an underground back alley and hand her a wad of cash for some action. Who is involved in this transaction? A client and their service provider. Does the man need to call the prostitute’s assistant in order to pass on the message. Prior to the prostitute coming along, does the prostitute need to meet with a quality assurance analyst in order to purvey and test to see if her vagina was well suited for the job?

These days you have at least 10 people in order to get to the final result of a product.

0.5+0.5+0.5+0.5=2

Simultaneously,

1+1=2

What would be an easier and faster route to get to the final end product, which is the same? This is a lesson that must be learned. There are MANY ways to get to the SAME end product. It is easier to take the fastest and simplest route.

In any balance sheet I see today, at least 100k goes into the salary expenses to pay 10 different employees. You have to work extra harder sometimes to outdo the expenses with sales. Keep in mind, there is the socioeconomic hierarchy that must be troughed through, not to mention office politics, to be at the top of the pyramid. Why make the pyramid so complicated and filled with so many points when you can easily do the same without as many points to fill the triangle?

Throughout my 30 job venture, I was able to play the part and get a taste of what it was like to be a little bit of everything. Accounting. Graphic Design. Sales. Management. Web Design. Marketing. This wasn’t done all through the snap of a finger though (things aren’t that easy in life). This was done through years of built up life experience and work experience.

I created my own tutoring business this way. My budget was going to be less than 5k and I was going to keep it this way. I created the website using WordPress. I created the social media management system by setting up my own Facebook and Twitter accounts. I use Quickbooks to be my virtual accountant(Hey, beats the snide remarks I would have gotten from a grumpy middle aged woman in the accounting industry for 10 years). I wrote my own content management. I set up an automated computer programmed system that would keep track of tutors’ invoices, scheduled tutoring sessions, reports, and applications. As a one woman business, I already took away more than 80% of a standard business’ expenses under the category employee wages.

So my advice to any millennials sitting on their asses these days worried about unemployment and putting bills on the table, yet very intimidated and scared of entrepreneurship?

1. Don’t be scared. Things are possible.
2. Plan ahead. Everything must have some route. 1 + 1 does equal 2.
3. Be practical and logical. Stars don’t fall from the sky! Or maybe they do, I don’t know. At least think about what all business commonalities exist in these times and times. Some things I’ve observed: website presence, social media, accounting software such as Quickbooks, a business card, marketing. Follow these groundworks, and don’t get too off track with specificities.
4. Adapt with the times. What is in your environment these days? If computers are replacing human beings, welcome them in. This is why I built a computer module that tutors can sign in and out of, doing the job that replaces 5 roles. (accountant, report analyst, application analyst, and more)
5. If you can’t fight the system and get to the top, build you own system. Remember, cut away corners by making your pyramid smaller and your own.

When I say “b*tches”, all my b*tches know who I’m talking about. I’m talking about my spa girls. I spent an inordinate amount of time during my shifts at the spa when I worked there. We would all huddle together in our little dugout and revel in our fascination with Jerry Springer, Jersey Shore, and Maury Povich. The sense of comraderie and sisterhood was exemplified by the fact that many times, we would end up with synchronous menstrual cycles. Either that, or the fact that we all shared the same mutual hatred over the current bastard in a Maury segment we were watching, who wouldn’t own up to being the father of the child.

I do miss them-well, some of them. Cardinal rule of being a skanky spa girl-you have to have resentments towards one of the other girls. But on the other hand, everyone has to have their favourite as well.

I wonder what they are all up to now. Are they still stuck in their little underground, secret bubble? Hopping from one spa to another spa? Or dipping into other avenues of sex work?

Some of these girls were raised in very unhealthy environments. Some of them were abused when they were young, and were placed from foster home to foster home, ran away from home, and prostituted to make ends meet. Then again, other girls were in community college and trying to pay off loans. And then there was me. The girl with the Bachelors of Psychology who wanted to work at a spa because she couldn’t even handle waitressing or server jobs. Ideally, I would have loved to be a neuroscientist at this point plumming my way through my research thesis about adrenchrome and it’s antiprotective effects on cancer. But my grades weren’t good enough to get into grad school. I blame that on the inordinate amount of prescription drugs I was on during my university years to deal with my hypochondriac phase and my anticonvulsants.

Anyway, the glue that held all of us together-was the fact that we needed money. Some girls have been in this industry for years and years on end, some just needed it as a temporary way to pay off student loans.

When I think about those who didn’t even graduate highschool, who floated through life with no education whatsoever, who couldn’t even tell you what the quadratic formula was or knew how standard it was to include x and y in math equestions, my heart sinks. My heart truly goes out to them.

The truth is, you need at least a highschool diploma to make a decent, sustainable salary that can support yourself and possibly a small family. Without it, you’re reduced to minimum wage jobs. These girls chose to stick to sex work for years and years, since they were so habituated to it all at this point.

It’s interesting, but I recently stumbled across an opportunity with a life insurance company that was willing to hire anyone without any educational qualifications in order to work for them. All you needed was a valid SIN and some photo ID and you were in. It was pretty easy to get hired. It was almost as easy as it was to get hired at the spa. Seriously. They would hire anyone off the street. THe branch manager who spoke to me for the initial interview said that he had a pHD-public highschool diploma. He was an immigrant who landed in Canada without any post-secondary education. Yet, he said that working for this company gave him to dream to move up the ladder and make a substantial yearly salary.

Jim Beulne is actually a rags to riches success story as well. He was abused by his biological father and lived in 50 different foster homes. He didn’t graduate highschool. He decided to turn his life around and decided to work for this company, and now, he’s married with kids, and is a millionaire. He speaks at many conventions to show others, his minions, how if him, a street kid, can get off his butt and turn his life around-anyone can. It wasn’t impossible.

At this point, I have to find recruits to join me as well. Because as you all know, in order to really make mony with this company, you have to hire other people to sell life insurance as well. You made money off of their sales and comissions as well, which was why this was a good incentive to get more people into this.

I was browsing through my cell phone contact list, and I’m awfully bad at approaching people and asking them for these kinds of things. But then, I remembered Joanna, err..Jasmine, and Tess(or Linda). They both didn’t finish grade 10 and were foster children who hopped around from one place to another. I’m kind of tempted to contact them again and share this opportunity with them. I want to reach my hand out and take them out of their hole, and offer them an opportunity to work somewhere where they could actually list this on their resume, and build up some credibility, legally.

I personally don’t know what both of them are up to right now. Are they still locked inside the sex work industry? Living a secret life and hiding from society? Did they decide to go back to school? Who knows. Some end up trapped in their social environments for decades, and seem find with it-because they are so used to it. Much in the same way someone would habituate to background noise like murmurs in a public library.

There always does seem to be a way out, an exception to the rule. People seem to get mired with comfort and familiarity though. It’s just a part of who we are.